I am eager to see people swiveling their pain into power. I wrote an article on rape not long ago and I decided to do a series, writing TRUE-LIFE rape stories of great women who have turned their pain into powers. Your pain will become your power – Yommy Ayilara.
This is the story of RACHAEL BATURE – “ I did not settle for pain, I spoke up”
In Rachael's Words…
I was around 6/7 years old. We used to live in a compound house and there was this uncle that lived around. He was so friendly that we used to go to his house and he used to send us on errands.
One day, I came by from school and I was going to have my bath, I tied my towel around my chest and went to fetch water. As I was passing, he called me. I was innocent and I answered him immediately. I went into his room and he locked the door behind me. HE HAD SEX WITH ME. He told me not to speak up. He scared me that if I did he would kill me. I believed him because I was young and scared. At that age, I didn’t really understand what just happened or what he did to me. I was in primary one.
When I got to primary four , a visitor came to our house to spend the night and that was when the memories of what happened to me years ago came back. That night when I was asleep, I felt someone’s hands and I opened my eyes. I didn’t fully understand what was happening. He was supposed to spend a night but he did not. The next day, the same thing repeated itself. On the third day, I felt a hand on my body as I was asleep, this time I could understand, and with so much fear I clicked and figured that this was the ‘rape’ I have been haring about. I couldn’t hold it anymore, I got up and I cried all night. It was that experience that reminded me of the first time, I was just a kid then, I could not really paint the full picture, but as I replayed the scenes of my first experience, I became so scared, I felt the trauma and I felt the pain. For days, I became withdrawn, I couldn’t express myself well, I was quiet and wasn’t at peace with myself.
My brother noticed my silence and withdrawal and I spoke to him. He told my mom about it and my mom eventually sent the man away.
Remember the first rapist?
Yes, he still stayed in my compound. He got scared at some point and he made me promise not to tell anyone. Then, I was told in church that “A promise is a debt” and as a kid that I was, I felt I was indebted to him. So I kept my promise.
Let’s leap a little…
I was in Jss1/Jss2. I was relaxing in my room, not fully asleep. An extended family member came in and took advantage of my sleep and innocence. I was disgusted and devastated. I felt very unsafe experiencing this from a family member.
This experience brought back memories and broke me. – “I became scared of men”
LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
“My ex broke up with me after I spoke my truth”
I was in a relationship with this guy. For a while, I didn’t tell him about my experience even though he asked me if I had anything to say. Finally, I decided to tell him. He was the first person I told and this truth changed everything. My “so-called” perfect relationship became a den. He claimed not to be angry about my experience but about the fact that I didn’t tell him about it.
Whatttt?! People need to understand that it is not easy to talk about rape. Not that I believe that was reason he broke up with me, but I’m just chipping that in.
Sometimes, when I hear about rape stories, the pain of my experience comes back. There are some things that still triggers me. There are some things I hear that pisses me off.
The trauma I faced, At a point, I didn’t want people touching me at all. I found satisfaction in watching pornography and I know it wasn’t my fault.
It took me time and the Grace of God but I TOOK POWER and CONTROL!
I cannot quantify how much speaking up helped me. The first time I decided to share my story was in May 2019 after the drama that happened with my ex. I shared my experience and that was when my change began. I felt safe. I felt strong.
I know that because of the rejection I faced after speaking up for the first time to my ex was a terrible experience. A lot of people have felt that pain. One moment you think you have found someone to talk to, just for the person to switch up on you and reject you for something that is absolutely not your fault.
I am here to tell you – IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, Never take the blame.
I felt strong after talking about my experience. A number of people turned my pain into power. I got to know a lot of people that have experienced rape. I got help from people and I became a source or help to other victim. That is how it works. It is a circle and we help one other. That is why you need to speak up. I am 22 years old by the way!
“I AM STILL GOING THROUGH THERAPY “ – you cannot do it alone, there are people to help you.
Yes, I still need help. I still react to people touching me. I still take offence unnecessarily. Compliments trigger me. But I am a fighter! I know it! I can feel it!
Let me tell you something-
YOU CANNOT CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, BUT, YOU CAN CHANGE WHAT BECOMES OF YOU AFTER YOUR EXPERIENCE.
If someone blamed you, ignore it (I know it’s not easy). Please, get help. Talk to people.
If you cannot afford therapy or even if you can and you just want to talk, send me a mail – baturerachael77@gmail.com
Love, RACHAEL.
#END
Your pain will become your power, I love you , Text me - Yommy Ayilara.
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