HURT ME, RAPE ME, BLAME ME!



Circumstances around me and a slight strain of stagnation.  A level of belief brought side by side with fault directed to one for a crime of another. If tears drop down my eyes, am I the reason I cry? It is highly dependent on me, a form of disrespect to who I am.

I walked down a little farther on the streets of my house. I walked smart, heads up because I was told I could only be respected that way. I made a straight face, ready to speak for myself. I had a stone in my hands, ready to attack. I lived my life in fear. Every step I took on that street was taken in fear. Fear of being attacked by imaginary men, ready to prey.  I kept on walking, little by little. I started to feel peace in my heart. Maybe, they were exaggerating after all. There is nobody looking at me. I am all alone here, they said those things to scare me… I was thinking and smiling a little. But – then, it happened…

I was attacked, ripped, and hurt. I was hurt, raped, and told to get up and walk. Of course, I walked, with no complaints. I walked with so much pain. I was in discomfort but I walked fast and furiously. I was ready to fight! I got home and told my people. It took me time to compose myself and explain my plight. I was ready to fight with them by my side! To fight against what I felt. But -then, it happened…
Like a flash, everything changed. I found myself answering questions about why I was raped. I was broken.  How do I explain the reason I was ripped and broken, never to be one again. How do I explain that I did nothing wrong? My only offense was being a woman. With tears in my eyes, I saw friends and people turn their back against me. Talking about the shirt I wore and the hair I made. Talking about the make up I had on and the fragrance they came from my body. “you should not have looked that good!”, they said. IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

The blame- A consistent crime and nobody was ready to hear my cry. Oh, they heard me cry, after all, they were just not ready to help me out. How can a person be abused and molested and blamed for it? What is there to be happy about when the right of another is trampled upon. Why does it hurt a group of people that human beings want to speak up for themselves? Is it a crime to be an existing female figure.

Why is my body sexualized? They have the right to expose their skin but I do not. Because I am seen as a sex object, degraded and made to accept that my only value is sex. How do I not express myself? I kit up and slay up and fight to earn respect. I do not get it naturally, I earn it. If I cannot earn it then I am not worth it. What an eyesore this is.

How well do you understand? How can you spit out words, telling me to call down? Do you know how it feels? How it feels to be told to live your life for someone else right from the day you could hear words. Do you feel what I feel? The feeling of betrayal by the people instructed to love you.

I have questions, still unanswered. Nobody could give me valid reasons. All I could hold on to was – “because you are a woman”. This broke me. It hurt me, but they blamed me.

Then, I looked around and saw thousands of people like me. Women who were abused and blamed for it. People who have decided to take their existence as a crime. Who have hated themselves day by day wishing they had come in the opposite sex.

Wishes that can never come through.
I would, however, leave words today.
“Your dreams are meant to scare you. You are a woman with dreams and they are scared of you. They know that you are fuel and with little fire, you will explode. I know you can explode. You were born to explode. – and all these abuse and disrespect you faced or might be facing is for a reason. And the only reason is to replace your fuel with water- but you won’t let them, because you are a fighter. You won’t sit there and let them take advantage of you. Not anymore. You will rise and show the world that they tried but you are stronger. You would be a figure that shows the transformation of pain to power. You will rise and be a voice to the voiceless. You are strong! And I admire you!

“Your pain will become your power, trust me”.

-Yommy Ayilara




19 comments:

  1. Such an inspiring write up ๐Ÿ’›

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  2. Wow๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’.....this is really educating.
    It totally got me thinking
    Wow, nice piece❤❤

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  3. Yomsssss๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฉthis is too much arrrrggggggggghhhhhhh ๐Ÿ’œ"I was in discomfort but I walked fast and furiously"๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

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  4. Nothing else than inspiring and educating write up... Nice

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  5. My baby ❤️
    I'm always proud of you this is an amazing write up. the lord will crown your efforts with success thanks for the message ๐Ÿ‘

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  6. Ughhh❤❤❤. Thank you so much! Amennnnnnn! Amennnnnn! And Amennnn!
    Love you❤

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  7. Assault is the fault of the assaulter ❤

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  8. Really good write-up..im impressed

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  9. Powerful๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

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  10. No woman owes a rapist a decent dressing. Rapists are animals in human skin. The country we are in even makes it worse. You'll hear things like "how did you dress?" What about guys that rape 2 years old baby? Should we say it's how the baby dressed or what kind of satisfaction can a 2 year old baby give?. I just pray all rape victims will have the strength move on and don't get traumatized for live. You have your life to live

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  11. You're very brave and strong. Well done for being you and strong and not allowing other's people negativity put destroy you. You went even further by using that has a fuel and motivation for you and others.

    Proud to see.

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