I picked up my pen again today and I decided to write about something very uncomfortable. I have tried to avoid writing about this topic for a while, lol.

I know how uncomfortable the truth can be – deep down, you know something is wrong but you still wouldn’t want to accept the truth because you have clouded your mind so much that you are comfortable swimming in lies. It has been quite hard for me to accept some things about myself – I can relate to how hard it is to navigate your way around accepting what the truth is, and trying so hard to leave room for your ideas.

At the end of it all, you give up with the hide and seek and just accept the truth for exactly what it is.

 I am always ready to open my mind to new ideas (that make sense). To be honest, it has helped me a lot because it’s usually like a rebirth for me, like, I am growing into a totally new person and the peace that comes with it is divine.

I want people to understand the system and notice the dent. Open your minds and accept it as plain as it sounds – it’s that easy – of course –women, again – 

I say this a lot – I do not believe “boys will be boys” – never, and never will. 

One more things is – “girl, you don’t owe anyone any explanation on why you live according to your terms”. 

Some days ago, I posted something on my Twitter, asking what people would love to read in a feminist book and someone’s reply struck me – she said – 

“I’d like to see parts where feminism is about choice. Often times working class women or independent women tend to criticize house wives, or women who are not as independent as them. 

That ‘Choice’ factor would be interesting to navigate”


When I read that, I `decided to talk about “choices” – when everything is brought to a point, we should note that the summary of it all is “choice” – the right to decide what you want to do with your life because your life belongs to you and shouldn’t be policed by what society thinks is expected of you because of your gender. 

I totally get the drive – women everywhere have the absolute right to think and decide what they want BUT,let us not overlook the fact that many women make the decision to stay home and be house wives because the society has made them believe that it is okay to do that – “it is normal” and “that is actually how it is meant to be”. I am very open to ideas on a lot of issues but I sat down to think about this factor and that was the only thing that came to my mind. 

Let me break this down a little bit –society would never accept a man who wants to stay at home and do chores, a man who does not want to contribute to the finances of the family – so, the summary is, no man would openly want to do that – society has dictated a factor and literally all men live by it. 

Now, moving to the women - from the start, society has made it known “a woman’s place is in the house doing chores and not in the streets making money”. Women just feel it is okay to be totally dependent on other people for absolutely everything. Women make these decisions because of patriarchy. A lot of us feminists, started by stating these points, we call it “choice feminism”- we did feminism in a way so that we could be acceptable by the society. We spent hours explaining to people that we are not the “bitter feminists” or the “bad feminists” because we still felt we needed validation and acceptance. 


We all have the right to make our “choices”, everyone has the right to decide what they want for themselves but, the question is, are you making this choice because you are rooted in patriarchal beliefs or is it just a choice? (Well, I don’t believe it is ‘just a choice' but okay). 

“Dear woman, do you feel it’s okay to stay at home because you have been told “that is where you belong” or do you just want to stay at home because you love the interior decoration? (I know you don’t enjoy staring at the sofa all day).  Do you stay at a spot because you were told to do so and you are trying to “to keep your home” as you’ve been told to do so, or did you just decide?’’

If you decided,  is your decision based on the fact that you have been told to always compromise all your life? Is your decision rooted in patriarchy? Are you confused and feeling like it’s your job?

Think about all these points and remember – “being a woman is not a disadvantage, and it shouldn’t be a reason to be stagnant. It also shouldn’t be a reason to be pointed at to hinder your growth”. 

Do not let society make you believe it is okay to to nothing. Every human being needs to work. You need to make money and have something doing. (I don’t know why it’s very easy to stay at home all day and ask for literally everything you need).

 It’s not easy for me BUT I would never disrespect you for deciding to do that because I know it’s the effect of the environment and you have a made a choice.

It has gotten to a point, where the men/husbands “stop” their women/wives from working because they feel they are not worth it. Some parents do not send their daughters to school because they feel ‘it is a waste' as she would still end up ‘in the kitchen ‘. Girls are growing up to believe it is okay to do the chores and ask for money for everything. They feel it is okay to be totally dependent, ‘because they are women’. Men think they have the authority to “stop” women from working because they want to be the “bread winner”. Lol, trust me, that is just an excuse to oppress and abuse the women. -  I have seen families like that - the husband oppresses the wife, he abuses her, he sleeps around with other women and he treats her like a complete nonentity – the woman can’t walk away because she had absolutely nothing- No job, no money, no ambition to fall back on. And, this was the man’s plan from the onset. He planned to strip her, and make her totally dependent so when he starts disrespecting and hurting her, she won’t be able to leave him or walk away from the marriage. 

“Sis, don’t let anyone strip you because they’ll mock you when you start to feel cold”.

Think about it. Do you really want to ask for permission and money for everything like a 3 year old or do you want to make decisions for yourself like a grown up that you are. Do you not want to pay your bills and own property and have a say or do you want to ask for permission when you want to buy a pair of shoe? Do you not want to live a life you want or do you want to live a life the way another person wants?

Trust me. Think about it. 

We are here because we know the pain attached to these decisions. It is usually not worth it. 

However, I do not accept that your decision is an excuse for you to be disrespected of treated less. Maybe your decisions is attached to the environment and the patriarchy that is rooted deep in the society. Maybe your decision is a personal decision…

Now, I am back to the point of “choices” – let women do what they want to do – do not insult them- do not judge them and – you do not have the right to disrespect them under any circumstance – whether you find them behind a table, running a big company or at home doing what they want to do. 

“We want that respect, not because of a position but because of our existence”. 

It is usually normal for the opposite sex to be respected for doing absolutely nothing – it is like there is an attachment to respect and women literally need to fight/work to earn respect. Still, no matter how hard they try, women are not given the regard for the work they do. People still make nasty statements about them and still try to disregard the fact that they are working hard for their money. The fact is “they are working for their money” – the money is not stolen. People try so hard to attach their success to the “presence of another person” in their lives. They go on and on and say “oh myyyyy, you boyfriend is taking care of you” or they say “ohhhh wow! Your husband must be so rich”. 

IT IS DISRESPECTFUL, basically because you automatically believe she is not capable of looking that good. 

It is not acceptable to respect “some” women and “leave” some out of it. Respect all women – anywhere you see them – not because of the position they hold but because they are human beings who deserve to be respected just like you do. 

A lot of people are usually eager and yearning to discredit women –

If so much hate directed towards women in the society today is directed towards oppressors and abusers, then this world would be a better and safer place. 

I just love the growth, I love to see it and I love it when I speak to women on how to leave the box and explore. 

The truth is, for a long time, women did not know their potentials because they never tried to explore. They never left that box they’ve been told to stay in, so, they never realized how great they could be. 

Women are now realizing their capability to explode. 

Sis, love yourself despite all – you are magical 

‘Woman, you are bomb!’