“ I remember going to my bathroom to shower, just cryingggg from how much my butthole hurt and what had just happened”… ‘THE TALK with YOMMY’ - (RAPE SERIES)


THIS IS A TRUE STORY. THIS IS A RAPE STORY. THIS IS X’s STORY. 

 

Hi , who else missed our series? Well I did. Welcome back to “THE TALK with YOMMY!”. 

This is a safe space for women to speak their truth. This is a safe space for women to share their stories. Today, I’ll be sharing X’s story with you. 

 

Remember we only send love to rape victims. We don’t blame them for what happened to them and we don’t drop insensitive comments πŸ¦‹

 

A forced YES is a NO!

A YES said out of fear is a NO!

RAPE is simply RAPE!

An invitation to hang out is not an invitation for sex!

Stop victim blaming!

 

X’s STORY

 

“Hello,

 

So my story begins June/July 2018. I met this guy on Tinder.  We started talking, migrating from Tinder to WhatsApp and Snapchat eventually.  

 

I was so emotionally invested in him and for me, that means whenever someone has a problem I go out of my way to help them.  Sometimes he would call me that he needed to get a train ticket or buy food and that he’ll pay my back and I’ll send him money.

 

Anyway,  I digress for a reason, back to my story. Sometimes he would say things that made me uncomfortable or keep pushing me to show him my boobs, I never did but I always brushed it off as nothing. 

 

He would also always bring up sex and I would always be like I’m definitely not having sex with anyone I don’t love or see myself being long term with.

 

One day in August 2018, he said he wanted to come see me, I told him he could come but that  if he was coming for sex he should not bother because I wasn’t having sex with him. I also reiterated this the day he was meant to come and he basically said ‘what do you take me for I’m  not coming for that’.

 

Anyways he got to mine, we were watching a movie and he turned to kiss me, I basically reminded him that I didn’t want to have sex and it was better if we never started.

 

He went on to be like we would just make out so it’s calm.  Then as I was giving him head he was saying things like “I won’t cum from head, I hardly do, I need to have sex with you, either anal or vaginal, why did you make me come all the way from London, you’re not a baby anymore stop acting like one”.

 

At this point I started to feel uncomfortable, it was like my body just froze and I had retreated into my head.  I just remember thinking about how I should run away from my own house, I remember doing a mental checklist of any friends I could go to theirs.  I thought about running out and calling the police but I quickly discarded that idea telling myself that they won’t believe me because I invited him to my house. I thought about running to the retail park 20 minutes walk away from my house but I was like it’s too far.

 

My thoughts were interrupted by him trying to have anal sex with me. It basically brought me back to what was actually going on.  I remember thinking “okay this is definitely happening so why not just do it that way it isn’t a painful traumatic experience”.   I remember saying “stop it hurts, let’s just have sex”.  He understood I meant vaginal sex and very quickly my body was flipped over.

 

 

I remember he asked for Vaseline because I was too tight. I remember he said “just relax it would hurt a lot more if you don’t relax”.  I remember at some point he asked if I was okay.  I remember the moment he pulled out and walked off.

 

I remember going to my bathroom to shower, just cryingggg from how much  my butthole hurt and what had just happened.

 

I was so distraught that I didn’t think of locking the door.  I remember he walked in and asked if I was okay again and all I did was nod.

 

I remember that after that I made food for both of us, I brushed off my pain and focused on “I have had sex”.  I remember his mother called, they had a conversation and after we laughed.

 

 

We laughed but deep inside me, I was so uncomfortable to sleep on the same bed with him.

 

I remember him waking me up to have with me at like midnight and me saying I’m tired then moving to the very end of the bed.  I remember he woke me up in the morning and was like let’s have sex before I go.

 

I remember thinking “don’t struggle let it just happen so he can leave”.

 

He left and I got a morning after pill to be on the safe side.

 

After he left, I basically buried the unpleasant bits and just focused on the I had had sex bit. Basically repainting the experience to be one of excitement.

 

 

For 3 months after that, I still felt uncomfortable with him so I stopped picking his calls or calling but I still replied his text.   I still met up with him and his cousin once. 

 

Then one faithful day I was scrolling through Twitter and people were sharing their sexual abuse/ rape story.  I read this babe’s story  and it felt like she had lived the very experience I had.  That’s when it hit me.   I had been abused.

 

I told him what he did to me was not okay and then blocked him everywhere.  I crieddddddd.  I told some of my friends.  Some people invalidated my experience, I remember one person in particular said “you said yes in the end abi so it wasn’t rape” but some of my friends were so supportive.  Even internet friends too were so supportive.

 

Sometime in 2020, I told his cousin…. His cousin said “I don’t see him trying to force himself unto anyone but I will call him and talk to him to get his side” amongst other things then sent me back the money I was owed.

 

Anyways more than 3 years and a few therapy sessions later, I still struggle to say I was raped, I still blame myself for being on tinder and letting him come to my house.  I know that I shouldn’t blame myself because it’s his fault but it’s still a struggle.

 

Sometimes I get angry that I didn’t report him.  Sometimes I am like if I reported him then maybe I could prevent other women from experiencing the same thing.

 

I have told my story a few times but this is the first time I am explaining it in so much detail.

 

I just hope that any girl that has gone through rape or abuse knows that they aren’t alone.  I hope that not only do they know but that they also accept that it wasn’t their fault. I hope that my story helps other people.

 

Thank you for the safe space to share my story”

 

 

X literally gave a conclusion. It’s not your fault. You aren’t alone. Sooooooo sorry you had to go through that.

 

 

Love, YOMMY AYILARA. 

 


 

I’m curious and I need answers…πŸ¦‹

 


I’m really curious. Honestly, sometimes it gets tiring that when we talk about relationships, we don’t talk about growth or enrichment. We mostly talk about ‘suffer head’. Then I wonder, what’s the point? Isn’t it better to remain in your space than to let someone in just to complicate it?


It’s really common in this part of the world. One minute, you’re having a good time and starting a conversation about how beautiful you want your relationship to be, and the next thing, an “older person” is smiling at you and telling you “it doesn’t work that way”. 


They make a long list of something that sounds a lot like frustration to you and you’re left wondering - “So what then is the point?”


Next minute, you’re sitting and having a good time, evaluating and rearranging your life and you decide not to want to get involved in that aspect because nothing about it gives you ‘dream vibes’ - Next minute, the same ‘older person’ is taking offence - ‘why would you say that?’ - ‘So you don’t want a relationship’ - ‘So you eventually do not want children’ - ‘What’s wrong with people of this generation’ - And you’re there shocked! ‘Waitttt! I thought the last time I asked you, you made a list of things I had to ‘endure’ because another human being wasn’t built to be kept accountable by society, why then are you mad I don’t want to even get involved’… 


I saw a tweet the other day - (the image of the post) - I want you all to tell me honestly- Why do we always tally about constraint, limitations and sacrifices when we talk about relationships? Is that the concept? Is that it for the women? Are you supposed to keep on making choices that might leave you unhappy because you want to maintain something?

Is the concept supposed to be based on your unhappiness? 

I’ll be attaching peoples replies here… 

You can leave your comments here - Maybe, just maybe, I’ll do a part two. 


(And now, don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. Most people do, I know you get the point. Yes, you might not be experiencing it, but you understand these factors I’m talking about)

There was a trending tweet a while ago and a girl explained how her ‘boyfriend’ gave her the condition to either go for her masters program abroad which was a fully funded scholarship or stay in the relationship. The comment section was filled with people telling her that her relationship was ‘important’ (I’m grateful for the few that told her that she should put her self development first and that he didn’t truly love her) - However, the truth is that a lot of people put her development second, they expected her to be constrained, to sacrifice. 


So then, is that the concept? Is the concept right? And truly, is it advantageous? Because it really does not seem like it to me… 

Doing ‘ME’ or Doing ‘THEM’?


You know life is so funny. You want to do something and then surprisingly, something else takes your time and you skip it. That has been my struggle with writing one article every week and even stepping up my writing career.

Indeed, you can never get the hang of your life if you don't find balance mentally. Mental balance is so underrated. 


As a writer, it's so hard. Writing is like pouring out your feelings into paper. It's so hard when you are numb and cannot feel. People expect you to write because that's your job, but there is no way you can because you're not feeling.


Sometimes, I write and just delete everything because ‘what is this, I'm not feeling it’. It happens. I lose balance and have to start all over again.

It's harder when you have a topic and a deadline. Omggggggg! 


Now, this makes me think about our lives as women. We have lists of expectations from society because we are some sort of way. Everyone expects the same thing from every woman. They snooze and forget that women should have choices and they also should have space and time for their mental balance. It doesn't work that way.


The pressure to do things a particular way. The pressure to follow the order. ‘Get married immediately after school and start having children’ - what if I'm not mentally ready for that. What if I want to take my time. What if I am not excited about that yet. What if I want to continue with school?’. “Never! You can do your masters in your husbands house, I did it to so you can” - Well, I can't. I won't. 


People need space! Let people explore their lives individually.Someone started that system. It's okay to start yours. It's okay to be unique. It's okay to wait. It's okay to check your mental capacity. Don't rush into stuff because society has put a margin on your age. At the end of the day, it's you against the world. 


(I do not own the picture used)

Happy New Year 🀍